God works in amazing ways! The more and more I learn to listen for His messages, the more I hear from Him. And lately, He has been speaking loud and clear. No, I don’t hear an audible voice around me. Instead I pay attention in my circumstances and what others say to me through conversations, books, and movies. God speaks in many different ways. Today is no different.

Recently the recovery group I participate in has been discussing making amends (steps 8 and 9 in the 12 Step tradition). This always challenges me to think about who I have hurt and who I need to make amends to. Something inside of me has seemed unsettled lately, yet I could not put my finger on it.

A couple weeks ago I traveled to Chattanooga, TN by way of Charlotte, NC in 25 hours ( see previous post for details). I was blessed to meet a special lady who survived sex trafficking and prostitution. She gave me a whole new perspective on what she and many others have experienced. My heart softened and healed a bit more.

Then a couple days ago I watched a movie, Whistleblower. This movie focuses on the corruption that occurred in Bosnia after their war, related to organizations that contracted with the United Nations to provide peacekeeping efforts in their country. Some of these organizations were involved in sex trafficking of young women in a country where women had no voice. The whistleblower was a female cop from Nebraska (based on true events) who fought for these women.

As I watched in horror all that these women endured, my stomach turned out of repulsion and instantly made me angry. I wept! I wept for all the women and men around the world who are sex trafficked and forced to grant painful sexual pleasures to greedy, lustful and selfish businessmen. I quickly realized that in the past, I too, had contributed to this horrifying industry by being a porn viewer. I had contributed to the demand for Internet pornography that included torture, rape and degrading behaviors all for my own twisted pleasure. I wept in my own shame and conviction. I realized how hurtful I have been to those on the other side of the lens.

Instead of me being an activist and stepping out boldly to declare this industry needs to be stopped and not allowed to harm another human being, I was secretly participating in the degradation of God’s beautiful people (His creation). We all matter in this world and are loved by God. We are to value and lift each other up with encouragement and love; not see others as body parts and sex toys!

So I humbly ask all porn stars, all women and men who have been photographed and filmed against their will, please forgive me. I was selfish, disillusioned and evil in my heart as I watched pornography online in my own home. I sinned against God and you. I am so very sorry! I know that God forgives me. I pray that in time you can also forgive and be set free from your pain. Allow God to have His vengeance.

Today I picked up the book, Delivered: True stories of men and women who turned from porn to purity by Matt Fradd. In his foreword, Mr. Fradd makes the following statement:

“It has been said that a knight cannot be brave unless he has love. In the same way, the liberation that Ralston [main character in the movie inspired by real events – 127 Hours] achieved was made possible only through a radical sacrifice [amputation of his arm] ignited by love. He had resigned himself to death. Love alone [for his future son seen in a vision] had the power to set him free.”

God is helping me to see every single person I viewed in pornographic pictures and videos as His chosen children. Because they are His! I realize that I love the porn stars for who they are. I do not love them for the false intimacy and artificial pleasure I fantasized about. That was Lust, which can never be satisfied. I have learned and God continues to teach me that real intimacy can only be found in a real relationship with a real person! And that means I choose relationships with real people over the artificial images of real people who were kidnapped, imprisoned, mistreated, and viciously abused in every way possible.

I pray my apology will somehow reach those who have been abused and forced to do the unthinkable. I truly am sorry and I will now show love and care for all the porn stars wherever you are. I will speak out against these evil acts and will strive to help those who need to be rescued from their masters/pimps.

For those who are viewing porn, I plead with you to acknowledge your lust and repent to our just and forgiving Heavenly Father. He gave His Son, Jesus, to pay the penalty for each of our sins. He will forgive you – just ask. And choosing to truly love the porn stars as real human beings just like yourself is the only way to overcome your obsessions of lust.

“…many people feel crushed under the weight of their addiction to pornography and have tried countless methods to free themselves, only to find that their efforts are never enough. What they have not realized is that the solution to pornography addiction is love for the porn stars.” ~Matt Fradd in Delivered, page 12

You are loved with an everlasting love by your Creator God. I, too, love you because Jesus is helping me to remove the evil from my heart and replace it with His amazing Love.