Viewing pornography has been shown to harm relationships in a variety of ways.

FightTheNewDrug.com talks about the following ways porn harms by a slogan they put on a tee shirt:

“Porn: Ignores Consent, Promotes Violence, Encourages Coercion, Advertises Objectification, Sells Exploitation, Fuels Trafficking. Porn normalizes abuse.”

In relationships, love is of utmost importance! And the definition of love is a commitment to the relationship with passion (attraction and desires for each other) and intimacy (knowing each other deeply). This requires respect and trust for each other with a willingness to not be judgmental or critical of the other’s weaknesses or vulnerabilities. Instead there is support, encouragement and forgiveness.

Yet pornography, as research has shown, leads to lack of trust, comparing of self and your partner to the images seen on a screen (which are airbrushed well beyond reality), and a fear of pending divorce/break-up. Each partner feels insecure about themselves as they do not measure up to what they see on the screen.

As porn is being watched, the screen encourages the viewer to focus on body parts and to objectify the people in the scene – turning them into sexual objects such as breasts, penises and vaginas. The connection with the person is lost and they are no longer seen as human.

Studies also show that human beings crave connection and bonding. Normally, as two people connect physically with touch, neurotransmitters occur in the brain that make the two individuals bond and want to stay together. Viewing sex on a screen does not provide the ability to connect and bond in a healthy way. The viewer becomes connected to the screen and images, and not a human being. Thus as masturbation and orgasm occur while viewing porn, the attachment is between the individual and the images on the screen. This leads to isolation and the need to view more porn. There is no lasting satisfaction.

Often times, those who view pornography, in their lack of satisfaction, pursue variety and novelty in what type of porn is viewed. This frequently leads to a more aggressive approach to sex with another person – wanting to act out what is see on the screen. This can lead to a more violent and demanding sexual experience where rape, lack of respect for boundaries or consent, and abuse occur.

In addition, those who are the actors/actresses in the porn images and movies are often doing so under force and not by choice. The sex trafficking industry worldwide is alive and well. Yes, even in rural Nebraska! More on this topic in Part 4 of Porn Harms.

Relationships are often filled with domestic violence and affairs when pornography is being viewed. A partner may not be willing to do what the other is asking them to do sexually. This leads to anger and violence. There is disappointment in self and in the partner for not being able to experience what their fantasies and idealisms desired. This anger is then expressed as erotic rage.

As you can see, porn harms relationships. I will add a disclaimer, not every relationship suffers when porn is used by a couple. Pornography has been used by couples in learning how to have healthy sex. And then not need to look at any more porn as they gain confidence in their own sexual experiences. Just beware that porn can lead to lusting after the ideal, which cannot be obtained through ongoing use of porn. I would appreciate hearing your comments on this topic.

Mark and Debbie Laaser have experienced this difficulty in their own marriage: